The people you hurt may not forgive—and that’s okay—but you’ll gain peace, grow stronger, and honor your path in recovery. If your attempt is met with silence or is declined, understand that your responsibility lies in the attempt itself. AA teaches that once you’ve genuinely extended an apology, your duty is fulfilled—regardless of whether the other person responds. Making amends allows us to correct mistakes and show that we are not defined by your disease.
Preparing for Making Amends in AA
If there’s anything I can do today to make things right, please let me know. My only goal right now is to acknowledge the harm I caused and do what I can to make amends, if that’s possible. In these cases, reflect on whether reaching out is to clear your own conscience at the other person’s expense. This is where a 12-Step “sponsor” or even a counselor’s feedback could be helpful in checking your motivation. Sometimes stepping back is the best way you can make amends. Giving a person space and honoring their right to feel what they feel about the impact your addiction and the connected behaviors has had on their lives.
Recovery Stories
You may be able to find a way to make indirect amends—like utilizing the momentum of old harm and new accountability to make a fresh alcoholism connection with something that means something to that relationship. Alternately, you can choose to make living amends by actively choosing not to repeat past mistakes in your present world. An important element of step nine is that those in recovery have already begun making amends to themselves by changing some of their behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs. The goal of this step is to find freedom by cleaning up the past to live peacefully in the present.
Step 9: The Best 5 Tips for Living Amends
Now, it’s only natural to initially feel a mixture of anxiety, guilt, and hope when starting this process. It can be intimidating to face those we’ve hurt, fearing rejection or anger. It’s equally important to prepare for the possibility that some amends may not be accepted or that healing will require patience over time. Regardless of the response, making amends is a critical step in your recovery. It’s an opportunity to confront your past actions, learn from them, and foster self-forgiveness.
When You Don’t Actually Know the Affected Person
- It would be easy to think there is nothing more WYG can write about guilt and grief.
- Their pain, anger, or silence is valid—even if it’s hard to receive.
- This exception underscores the need for thoughtfulness, consideration, and empathy during our recovery journey.
- Thank you again for taking the time to listen (or read this) and please reach out if you have any questions or feedback in the future.
- This process is not about seeking forgiveness but about holding ourselves accountable and striving to make things right with hurt people from our past without regard for our own egos or self-interest.
This step seeks inner peace and rebirth through the act of making things right, but only when it won’t harm others in the process. You have to be honest with yourself about whether you have a valid reason to opt out of direct amends. To help you understand what most people mean when they say living amends, we’ve put together a few examples. For instance, someone who used to spend the holidays drunk might see showing up to every holiday sober as part of their living amends to their family.
Guilt for our wrongs can be one of the most deceptive recovery demons to bear because it damages us from the inside, where it happily hides. Get rid of that guilt; apologize, make your amends and let go of them. Direct Amends – taking personal responsibility for your actions and confronting the person who you would like to reconcile with. You’ve probably already discovered that by staying clean and living amends sober and by working the Twelve Steps of AA that things are getting better. Becoming a ”better person” means that we are less willing to engage in destructive behaviors, mostly because we are aware of how much they cost us in human misery. That self-centeredness is replaced by an awareness of other people, and instead of being indifferent, we begin to care.
The beauty of this process for newcomers and those unsure of where to go next is that their recovery from alcoholism is outlined in twelve in-depth action steps. Many alcoholics are guided through the steps by a sponsor, but some individuals complete the steps on their own. AA’s step work has been adjusted for use in other addiction recovery programs, such as sex addiction or drug addiction. It is important to note that just because you have made amends does not mean that your relationships will be completely healed or return back to normal. Making amends is important, no matter if a person is going through AA or not. Before starting, it helps to write a list of people harmed.
How Making Amends Positively Affects the Brain
It’s hard work, but it’s the sort of hard work that leads to growth. Either way, you know you’ve hurt a random stranger and would like to make amends now that you’re sober. But you don’t know their name, and you have no idea where to start looking.
Amends Versus Apologies
It is another rewarding part of our recovery journey and brings us closer to the gift of freedom. Life is complicated and not always straightforward or black and white. Therefore some Step Nine amends may take a little creativity and patience. Working this stepshould never lead to the further harm of others. Our board-certified professionals help people discover various recovery methods that continue to provide hope and healing. The actions we take here should be aimed at https://yomimeseleplants.com/5-ways-to-unwind-after-work/ healing and reconciliation.
